Speak No More Evil

A weird thing happens when you have a child. All of a sudden you must watch what you say. I've heard it a thousand times but I never actually do it because, truth be told, I'm not a potty mouth. But it wasn't until recently when Hayes told me, in a very unconcerned way, that he thought I was going to kill myself that it really sank in.

I admit, he got the words from me--not because I am at all suicidal, or have ever been. But because whenever I do something disastrous and normal like trip over one of Hayes's toys and almost fall flat on my behind, I often say things like, "Oh my god, I'm going to kill myself!" It rolls of my tongue just as easily as "please" and "thank you." I've never considered it odd or inappropriate, it's just the way I talk. And Hayes hears me speak that way all the time. So, just like a three year old who does not yet understand the intricacies of language and expression, he repeats it like it's totally normal. And it is. But it's so not. Besides that, those words, coming from a small child, are frightening.

I'm just glad he said it behind closed doors first. It gives me time to correct my mistake before he goes blabbing about his pseudo-suicidal mommy to everyone out in the world.